Saigon Kicked!

Howdy, my faithful Audience (mom and dad!)…

First off, I just lost 1 hr worth of writing, so most of this I am writing will be the 2^nd time I have written it. If it seems a little quick, and glossed over, it’s because I am angry that I have to write it again.

Lets start the tales of our journey by mentioning that we are in a town in central Vietnam called Hoi An, known for its ancient town, sunny beaches, and tailors. Yes, the streets are lined with tailor after tailor, all wanting our business…and a couple have succeeded.

But more on that later. Let’s head back in time to a few days ago, and chat about Saigon a little, shall we?

The morning I left off on, we awoke bright and early to hit up a mini bus that would take us out to an area of Vietnam called Chu Chi, known for their system of underground tunnels that stretch for over 100kms. This tunnel system was the largest of any in Vietnam, and was used by the Viet Cong to defeat the Americans during the Vietnam war. Some highlights of the tunnel tour was seeing a propaganda video used by

the Viet Cong to recruit new soldiers in the 60s. Now, as expected, it did not do any favors for the reputation of the Americans, but at times, it was almost laughable. This would become a running theme later in the day, as well. Keep reading, that will all make sense in a bit.

Another interesting point of the tour was that guide, Hi, actually fought for the South Army during the war, and had now realized that he fought on the wrong side. He realized this after 3 years in a ‘Re-Education Camp’ (read: Labor Camp). His stories about helping the American soldiers with the questioning of the Viet Cong were very interesting, and he tried his best to not avoid any question we asked.

Lastly, we all got on our hands and knees, and got to crawl through a portion of the still-existing tunnels, although they had been widened for tourists (like me) to almost double the original size. Back in the 60s and 70s, these tunnels had dimensions of 60cm by 80cm, barely large enough for one of my thighs, let alone my entire body.

With the completion of the tour, we headed back into the hustle bustle of Saigon to catch up on a little sightseeing before we skipped town the following day. First stop was the War Remnants Museum, formally known as the War Atrocities Museum. This was basically Vietnam’s way of publicly giving the Americans the finger without getting in shit for it. The who place was a graveyard to old American planes/tanks/missiles, and commentary on how the Americans were basically a re-incarnation of Lucifer himself. Now, in no way am I condoning what the Americans did, but

I left that place almost feeling sorry for them. It was just TOO over the top…at one point, I called it a Michael Moore ‘documentary’ of the Vietnam war.

There were a couple of other things that had to be taken care of before we left town. The Post office, which was built during French occupation in the old Colonialism style, and even a miniature Notre Dame…basically the same design as its ‘papa’ in Paris, just smaller in size, and made of brick. Also, the Reunification Palace, the place where the Vietnam war ended on April 30, 1975 (remember that date…) when NVA tanks crashed the gates, toppling the Saigon government. Interesting, but nothing that would blow us away. So with even a little more time to kill, we decided we would be a little bit of masochists, and head back into the market in search of the best deals in town. Plus, I wanted another bottle of $5 cologne.

That evening, while chatting long distance with my brother, Michele caught my eye. I leaned out of the make-shift phone booth to have her say ‘We have some SERIOUS travel decisions to make, and we have 30 minutes to make them!’

Cya Bro!

You see, this is where that date comes into play. April 30^th seems to be Vietnams national holiday, called Reunification day. May 1^st also is a holiday, called Labor day. So, the citizens of the country tend to take off days all around these 2 holidays, and make a pilgrimage back to the smaller villages and towns, cause major disruptions in bus and air traffic. It is basically impossible to get anywhere from the 29^th of April to may 3^rd. So we went into damage control in the travel agency, figuring which direction to go, and which days to go there.

We decided on a flight on the 28^th to Da Nang, with is basically just an airport for a town called Hoi An, the real tourist destination. We also decided on a flight from there on May 1^st to Ha Noi.

Cool.

Problem Solved.

But now we had an extra day. What should we do with the unexpected, spare day? After a short discussion with the agent, Michele had us booked into a day tour of the Mekong Delta…So once again, 8am struck, and the 3 of us were right back on a bus, this time heading south to the Mekong! But I was a little hazier in the head from a terrible experience from the prior night.

You see….

The night before….

We were sitting down to have some drinks with a couple Americans and Canadians we had met during the Tunnels tour. Greg, the American guy, and I were drinking beer for beer, having a good time.

Sidebar: I should set the local. We are on a small, outdoor bar on a side street in Saigon. The place is about 30 sq. ft inside, and has 4 small tables outside. The 6 of us are taking up 1/3 of the place, blending in with the locals in a way that only Borotsik’s can!

Back to the story…Greg and I are going toe to toe, just hittin’ beer, enjoying the night. We decide we should take a dip into the local brew, a large vat of beer (called Saigon 66) in the back of the store, in which the locals are drinking in mini-kegs – Basically small, plastic cider jugs. Greg and I split one, and poured our glasses to the brim, cheers’d one another, and raised the glass to our parched lips. Glug. Glug.

We put the glasses down and looked at one another.

M: ‘That was awful!’

G: ‘It tastes like Vinegar. Mixed with vomit.’

M: ‘Holy shit, that is the worst beer I have ever had. I don’t know if I can drink it.’

G: ‘If you don’t finish it, I will call you a pussy!’

So we each choked down 2 glasses of this swill. There are not enough negative verbs in the English language for me to explain how F’ing bad those glasses of beer were. It was a vile, disgusting excuse for a beer.

So that brings us to the Mekong tour…Honestly, I wrote about it once, and am getting a little bored with it, so I am going to skim.

It was a nice day. It was super relaxing compared to the 5 million motorbikes you have to deal with in Saigon. It was quiet, the people were nice, and the sights were very cool, but there was nothing that sticks out in my mind as mind blowing. I wore a snake again, we canoed down a very Amazon-like river…Good times, and a good escape, but all and all, nothing special.

Again, it was back to Saigon for the evening, this time minus the horse piss I drank the night prior. Just a quiet night, as the next day, we would be leaving on a jet plane to get to Da Nang, and our final destination of Hoi An.

…and that is where I am today.

This is a pretty relaxing little town that is dominated, like I said before, by tailors. And it has rained since we got here. We’ve had enough time to pick out fabric, get measured for clothes, and get loaded on free Vietnamese rum since we arrived. We had about 3 hrs today of rain free sky, so we booked it to the beach, where I FINALLY got to play in some big waves.

…But back to the tailors. I called it like Disneyland for fashion. You walk into a tailor, tell them what you want, whether it is a suit, shorts, t-shirt, dress shirt, sandals, dress shoes, runners, etc., come back a day later, and try it one. BAM! Vietnamese suit for $80.

In all, I got a suit, 5 shirts, a pair of shorts, and sandals made for UNDER $250. Don’t ask about Michele….I think she’s at 10 articles already, and we still have a day to go.

So that is where we stand. We fly out of here the day after tomorrow to head to Ha Noi where we plan to go to Sapa, and Ha Long, and also drink snakes blood.

Stay tuned!

Marty

PS – I was sad to hear the flames lost. Be happy to know that I comforted myself with about 8 tiger beer, and 8 free rum and cokes.

Go Hawks!